Obsessions

People obsess over many different things. For example, an anorexic person would most likely obsess over anything relating to food, like how much they are going to eat, when they are going to eat, etc. Obviously that is a more extreme case, but similar to my train of thought. Another example would be someone that obsesses over what people think of them. Just try to think of thought loops, or action loops (things you do very frequently. Yes it's a made up word.) and try to investigate why you do them.

I personally feel like I obsess over many different things, but there are a few that kind of stand out. I tend to obsess over self constraint and striving for purity of mind. I really try to be the best person I can and I try to keep my mind as clear as possible. When I start feeling angry, frustrated, or just negative in general, I make it a priority to get myself back to 'baseline' (In my case, positive ;) ) as quickly as possible. Another obsession I have is to seek out new ideas that pertain to my own ideals. Whenever I get downtime, I sift through the internet like its my job to find ideas that reinforce my own. When I really think about it, what is this really obtaining? I should be striving for new ideas period, not just ideas that fulfill an ideal of my own.

I also tend to want to think of myself as innovative/creative in a sense. I don't really know where I get this from; I don't really have any basis for believing this. I like to think that I have the abilities to complete tasks efficiently and creatively (mostly in the EE spectrum of things, but this branches out to other areas of my life as well). I obsess over succeeding in many instances, mainly in competition with my own expectations. Why have I set up these expectations? Why can't I just live without expectation? The closest to this concept I feel I can achieve at this point in my life, is living up to the expectation "of having no expectations", which is still in the realm of duality. I wish I could just throw duality out the window and just live.