Internship/Crazy Phases
Well, apparently I have an internship for the summer. That's a plus. I also contacted someone else that is in the program and we'll hopefully be able to room together and save some cash. I'm pretty excited and anxious about starting. I really don't know what to expect. I know there will be a lot of on-site testing, thus the possibility of plane travel. I've never flown on a plane, sad isn't it? Nonetheless, all this traveling will be a great and cheap way to get out there and see things.
Although this company doesn't really do what I want to do for a career, the company itself seems really well run with a seemingly great group of people. The area that they're located in is pretty nice too, still in the growing stages without all the traffic.
Since they really didn't offer a good pay rate (actually, pretty shitty), I was really reluctant to take the job in the first place. My first thought was to just stay at home, lay carpet, and make more money that way. But after some thought, I started to think about when I start looking for a "real" job next spring. Would I want to go up to employers with no type of work experience? I would undoubtedly be kicking myself in the spring for turning this down.
On another note, I feel like my life is in a state of growth right now. I don't mean the internship, although it is related. I mean in a spiritual sort of way. For the last year or so, I've been in great spirits, but in almost a state of boredom in a sense. It seemed as though I had corrected my 'problems' and was just going through the motions to get where I needed to be. There wasn't much excitement or feelings of drastic character improvement. At first I thought it was because I had lost my passion for achieving self actualization. But I really did try to become the best person I could, I just couldn't GET anywhere, if that makes any sense. I was just stagnated in this perpetual 'OK' state. Granted, this state was not bad in any sense of the word, it was just kind of slow? I just felt non-innovative and more or less sheep-like. I didn't feel that warrior sense of mindfulness that I had previously felt for months on end. I feel like it's returning slowly but surely. Maybe it's just my imagination?
What about you? Do you ever feel like you've lost 'the ball', 'it', whatever you want to call it? Do you think it's a personal choice to lose it/not pursue it? A phase that you have no control over? Does it not seem to change for you? I'd like to here what you guys have to say, so let me hear some crazy off-the-wall shit. Go.
Although this company doesn't really do what I want to do for a career, the company itself seems really well run with a seemingly great group of people. The area that they're located in is pretty nice too, still in the growing stages without all the traffic.
Since they really didn't offer a good pay rate (actually, pretty shitty), I was really reluctant to take the job in the first place. My first thought was to just stay at home, lay carpet, and make more money that way. But after some thought, I started to think about when I start looking for a "real" job next spring. Would I want to go up to employers with no type of work experience? I would undoubtedly be kicking myself in the spring for turning this down.
On another note, I feel like my life is in a state of growth right now. I don't mean the internship, although it is related. I mean in a spiritual sort of way. For the last year or so, I've been in great spirits, but in almost a state of boredom in a sense. It seemed as though I had corrected my 'problems' and was just going through the motions to get where I needed to be. There wasn't much excitement or feelings of drastic character improvement. At first I thought it was because I had lost my passion for achieving self actualization. But I really did try to become the best person I could, I just couldn't GET anywhere, if that makes any sense. I was just stagnated in this perpetual 'OK' state. Granted, this state was not bad in any sense of the word, it was just kind of slow? I just felt non-innovative and more or less sheep-like. I didn't feel that warrior sense of mindfulness that I had previously felt for months on end. I feel like it's returning slowly but surely. Maybe it's just my imagination?
What about you? Do you ever feel like you've lost 'the ball', 'it', whatever you want to call it? Do you think it's a personal choice to lose it/not pursue it? A phase that you have no control over? Does it not seem to change for you? I'd like to here what you guys have to say, so let me hear some crazy off-the-wall shit. Go.
Posted at
7:56 PM
2 Comments:
ummm yeah. like basically that's the story of my last two years of high school. I just recently figured out what exactly happened:
As a kid, I learned to just try my hardest because if I don't, then bad things will happen. And if I do try hard, then good things will happen.
Then I also learned that if I go through hell once in a while, it'll pay off and I'll be ahead of other people who go for the whole instant gratification thing and don't try their hardest because they can't see the effects of hard work right away. But I was different because I understood the fine art of planning.
Okay, then I came to the academy. The academy stripped me of all my study habits and my will to try hard and my desire to succeed. I lost all my time management skills and learned that just getting through is the way to do it. Because even if I tried hard, then I still may not appear as if I'm trying hard. So I might as well NOT try hard, because it doesn't really make a difference as long as my gpa stays relatively high.
The turning point in my life was struggling through the whole phase of reclaiming my desire to succeed. I'm still in the process right now, actually. People like me just blindly work their butts off to succeed. And that doesn't work forever, which is why I stopped trying for a while. It's hard forcing yourself to understand your purpose for working your butt off, but it's do-able.
A lot of people, like the early me, have the ball and are kinda happy, but they don't really know what to do with the ball once they get it other than just treasure it.
Then other people try to be happy without the ball. But it's kind-of difficult to do that.
Then there's the cool people who have the ball, and they understand that it takes work to be successful. But whatev. Working for the ball is better than not working for it and not getting it.
sorry; I should have written this in my own blog.
Maybe you should have. It's a good piece of writing. That's what copy/paste is for. ;)
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