(Un)Attainable

The Truth is not to be found.
I seeked it out, this was so true.
How could I decode this whole existence?
Not possible, although tried till I's blue.

It wasn't the ends which made it golden.
The finish line was never shown.
I struggled through the thick and thin.
All was done, and thus I've grown.

It's not what's mine what makes me, me.
This would seem like common knowledge,
However so simple, it wasn't clear.
It took me awhile to finally acknowledge.

Now that I know that it's all in the mind.
I am now free from the imprisoned culture.
"What happens now?" is what I often ask.
It's all up to me to determine my future.

Virtue or sin? What will it be?
Anything to hinder will never be fancy.
I've been there an I don't agree.
It isn't the way I want to be.

To me, the choice seems almost simple.
It's the means which confuse me so.
How do I live a virtuous life?
It's in the strife which makes me whole.

Is there a god, and will he smite me?
I haven't thought of that since I was three.
It is irrelevant I've come to see.
I am here to "be all I can be."

Help others along in their journey,
Enlighten others to decrease mistakes.
We are all here to help each other.
It's not helpful to eat all the cake.

Open your mind and don't be a sleeper.
The truths are known, just dig a lil deeper.
It will be painful, this is quite certain.
You'll become free, off comes the curtain.

A recent study shown on CNN. About time they started doing some studies. All I have to say is "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!".

Relativity, simple.

The rain was pouring. The weather was extremely hot and muggy. I felt like shit and I really didn't want to walk 1/4 mile to my car in the rain. Fuck it, what are you going to do? I started walking. I thought, "OF COURSE it has to be pouring the hardest when I have to leave..." , as I walked out the door. Just my luck I guess. The rain was cold and I could barely see from all the water. Great.

After walking 100 ft or so and thinking about how much it sucked that it was raining, I realized something. The rain actually felt GOOD. It was actually much better than the blazing hot temperatures and mugginess that was present before. Physically, this felt better than NOT being rained on. Why was I so preoccupied with this idea that it SUCKED? After thinking about this for awhile, I could name many more reasons why I was more lucky than unlucky in this situation. I was getting off work :), I was wearing shit work clothes, I was hot and sweaty before, and the raining made me feel purified in a way. The only downside was that my car seat got kinda wet, but if you've seen my car, you know that's not a big deal.

Would I have caught myself thinking negatively and changed it if I wasn't so preoccupied with changing myself? Would I have kept thinking negatively and been pissed off for the whole time? Who knows. I'm glad that I DO strive to look at the bright side, and I hope that this will come more naturally as time moves on. It ALMOST seems like I'm training myself to be more content/happy. I wonder if anyone else does this? It seems like a worthwhile endeavor considering the other option of spending copious amounts of money to create happiness, which I'm PRETTY sure won't lead to much of anything other than the short term goal.

Basically what I'm trying to say, is that I believe that the mind is trainable by the "operator" and I wonder if many people realize/believe this? Then again, then we get into this whole ordeal of if "I" really am the operator.

Masks

Why do we wear masks? It's actually quite a bit harder to wear a mask than to actually just act from pure emotion. There are many different sub levels of thinking when using a mask. Really, is all this brain power being used really worth it? Will wearing this "social mask" help me in any way? Why do I still wear a mask even when I try not to? I think most of it just comes down to insecurity. The more insecurity you have the LESS of a mask you wear. I don't believe that it is normally possible to NOT wear a mask in social situations.

Just think, if you didn't wear a mask, social decisions would be so easy. You'd just have to act on pure emotion. I guess that could get kind of messy, but you'd feel a lot better about yourself. People would know how you really feel and would accept you as you are rather than who you pretend to be.

I try to break my mask down more and more each day. Someday I hope to have a very thin mask and people will know me for who I really am. Someday.

PS: If you're thinking, "This guy wears a mask?! For shame!", you need to learn about a technique called "introspection" because your mask is so thick you can't even see out eye holes.